HUMOR
SCROLL DOWN FOR OTHER HUMOR POEMS,
''DAILY FOOD FOR THOUGHT''
"TO SPIN SOME TRENDS"
"AN EXODUS"
''THE MARKETERS''
''THE OLD TIMER''
"OMLY ONE LIFE TO LIVE"
''SILLY SENILITY''
''BACK TO SCHOOL''
''THE PENNY PINCHER''
("DAILY FOOD FOR THOUGHT" )
Always look where you are
when driving in your car,
especially with a trooper on your tail;
for if you stare at him
through your rear-view mirror then;
you could be crashing through some highway rail!
Or, if you're talking on the phone
and in some far-off zone,
and the radio is playing a favorite theme,
but debris begins to fall
when you hit that concrete wall,
and they place you on a stretcher at the scene!
So keep your eyes alert
and you won't be "eating dirt",
and you'll live to see another Christmas eve;
but if you don't take heed
you'll be sorrowful indeed;
'cause it may be other people you bereave!
By William E. Hardison (c)
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"TO SPIN SOME TRENDS" '' "
Within my life I've often found
certain trends that come around;
for reasons that I don't know why.
Like it always seems it's Friday nights
when some nagging toothache strikes,
makes a grown-up want to cry!
***
'Cause all the dentists just flew down
to some convention out of town
on a big-time jet air bus;
and you're in pain o'er a three-day frame,
praying (for the dentists to return again,)
instead of cuss and fuss.
***
And the same thing happens
when you come down ill,
with need of a R/x to be filled;
and you lie at home by the telephone...
waiting for the doctor to come on.
***
But he's playing golf with his cell phone off,
while you suffer from the flu and cough!
***
So, once again it's a long week-end,
just dying for Monday to come again,
Well, it's just hard to understand!
***
Then comes time when it's hard to find
something that you lost before;
and you check each file, and search each pile,
until it becomes a bore;
but you count each one, one by one
'til your fingers and eyes are sore;
but you will find what you're looking for,
and it's always the last in store!
Now you'd think that the odds would blink,
and allow for just one time;
that the thing that's lost like an albatross,
would be the first to find!
***
Now here's a trend you may comprehend,
and one that I found out,
That when I plan a yard sale, and
it's been a long, long drought,
you can bet that the date I set,
it'll rain like hail...no doubt!
***
And I thought this through
and I have no clue;
but it's when I walk in grass,
and step into my dog's do-do...
hidden there where I pass.
"And in one place with all that space
you'd think the odds aren't few;
that one footstep, is not a threat
for that to clog my shoe!"
***
Now here is one about the rain and sun,
and it's when you wash your car;
on a sunny day you can wax away,
and it shines just like a star;
but it's oh so true when the job you do,
a storm comes blowing through.
***
Life's many trends... they have no ends;
and I can't submit them all,
but just this few I send to you,
to see if you agree;
for different folks have different strokes,
but it all seems true to me!
***
Created by William E. Hardison / copyrights
***
"AN XODUS"
There's a place for family services
located in the mall;
with usual dental nervousness
by everyone who call.
Now the waiting room was crowded...
thirty seats, and all were full;
Some people came for fillings,
while others, teeth to pull.
Now the dentist was extracting
on a patient in the chair,
when a noise came forth impacting
with a loud, unusual blare!
The sound was devastating
as it rattled through the wall,
it startled patients waiting,
even folks out in the mall!
The shrill of one huge drilling,
and the vibrant shook the place;
all heard the grind and grilling,
with a "look" on every face!
'Twas grinding like a motor
when a "burning" came about;
you could even smell the odor
that a drill-bit can put out.
Then was heard an awful screaming,
of someone bent in pain;
do you suppose the reaming
by the dentist was to blame?
Well, there came to be a finding
why that heavy noise occurred;
'twas found the drill and grinding,
by a (carpenter) was heard.
And somewhere in the drilling,
he slipped and went ka-put!
The worker went a-spilling,
and the drill dropped on his foot!
Now can't you just imagine
that you're sitting in the lounge,
waiting for the dentist
for your time to come around?
When you hear that awful noise
of a drilling screeching out;
makes you wonder if for oil,
or in somebody's mouth!
Then, the office door swung open,
and (contented without doubt,)
was the man who first went in,
and now is coming out!
But as he looked around,
not a single soul was there,
for all the patients in the lounge
had fled in total fear!
Back then as panic hovers,
I now confess it all,
I hauled tail with the others
to another dentist call!
Author, William E. Hardison (c)
* * * * *
"THE MARKETERS"
There's a frenzy going on that many folks are prone;
when it comes to a week-end rummage sale.
They rise on Friday morn' before the light is born
and head out on the bargain trail!
They park along the curb
with intentions to disturb,
'cause they hurry up to knock upon your door;
to rouse you out of bed
so they can get ahead,
to see the things you have in store.
They will even lend a hand to give their eyes a scan,
to help you put the junk out on the lawn.
They want to have a chance to get in that first glance,
to get the best of "goodies" and be gone!
So they'll swarm around your yard,
and places where they're barred,
like your attic, that's even in your house;
but when you count your take,
no money did you make,
'cause all they did was browse!
Next, you got up Saturday morning
while the dark was still adorning,
all prepared to meet the rushing throng;
you're dressed and feeling swell before the daylight fell,
and you're all geared up to sell,
but not one single person came along!
So, that's the way it is when you deal with marketeers,
you really have to have it or you don't;
you can hoard junk year to year,
but if no values there appear,
well, they really don't know what they want!
THE OLD TIMER
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While I was strolling down the street
one bright and sunny day,
skipping along with happy feet upon my merry way,
I came upon this gentle man rocking in his chair,
fanning with a make-shift fan to stir the humid air.
He looked to be 'bout ninety- three with hair as white as
snow,
and he cupped his eyes so he could see, and his skin-was wrinkled so!
And he cupped his ear so he could hear when I went up to speak,
and shook his hand when I got near, and his grip was oh- so weak!
I shouted then, "how are you friend? could you share with me,
the secret to the life you spend, and your longevity?"
In a feeble way he starts to say: "This is how it is,
drink two- six packs of beer each day- along with -six gin fizz!"
And dance and dine with gals and wine, and gamble through the night,
and do not stop to whine or pine...keep- on -with all your might!"
Then I said to him: "That's some great trend, I think I'll try that too,
but do you mind my old dear friend, just how old are you?"
With an answer sly, and a wrinkled eye, he said: "No I don't mind,
I'm celebrating my birthday today,--- I'm Twenty-Nine!!"
William E. Hardison (c)
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